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Government Plans Address To The Nation Through Viral Fights

Prime Minister Keith Rowley announced this morning that the government will adjust their method of delivering news to the population. After his Sunday night address to the nation was eclipsed by a video recording of a fight that followed a popular boat party, the government has decided to use new means of communicating with the public.
“We realized that the fight had significantly more shares and views than my address,” Dr. Rowley said, “so in consultation with the communication minister, we’ve taken the decision to address the nation through scrolling text at the bottom of viral fight videos”.
He explained that the government took this decision in order to maximize reach, while minimizing expenditure and added that there will be more changes to come in the near future, pending cabinet approval.
“Based on the nation’s love of bacchanal and violence, we’re proposing that we form the Fight Communications Unit (FCU) as a department within the Communications Ministry, with the responsibility to increase the awareness of our policies during any public altercation.”
Dr. Rowley continued
“For example, while someone’s getting their head burst with a phone, a ticker will let you know of our health policies. If all goes well, a ministry representative will also be in the background wearing a tee-shirt saying, for example, 12.5% VAT.”
The proposed mandate for the FCU includes:
– Tickers on all locally produced fight videos shared to social media by 2017
– Branding with government policies at fight hotspots, such as City Gate, Arima’s Dial and all fetes
– Renaming the Coral Vision to “Vision 2040” (Based on Manning’s Vision 2020)
– Fight commentators will mention government policy during the video (eg: “She get slash like the government slashed inflation in the previous quarter!)
– Creating taglines for all fights (eg “Who the F**k is you to challenge election results?” and “Splash up in the dash up to completing the Brian Lara Stadium!”)
The Prime Minister hopes that the unit can be up and running in time for the elections.

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