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Ian Alleyne to Throw Massive, All-Inclusive Pity-Party

Following the seizure of his property after failing to pay a court-ordered sum of cash for slander, ex-tv show host Ian Alleyne took to the media to announce the biggest pity party that he has thrown yet.

Mr. Alleyne lamented that ever since the defeat of the People’s Partnership at the last general election, it became harder to live on the mere donations that he received from thousands of people nationwide.

“When Kamla lost, it was hard. Nobody else out here was that generous enough to give me a food to eat. And yet, they still kick me off of tv when they know my mansion wasn’t finished building. Now, despite all that, they come to seize my property for bad talking some big boy son.”

However Alleyne is confident that all is not lost. In order to raise funds to complete his humble abode, he is throwing an all inclusive pity party at his now-empty residence.

“I would like all my of fans to come out and support. Tickets are absolutely free, but a mandatory sum of at least $2,000 must be donated to the cause.”

The fete will feature soca superstar Machel Montano, who was asked to perform as a favour by former Prime Minster Kamla-Persad Bissessar who said that all she wanted was to see her boys “properly fed” and urged Machel to come to his brother’s rescue.

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