Nation Startled as White Expat ‘Acts Like Immigrant’; Attacks Trump

The Republican Party has been left reeling in shock after an assassination attempt on GOP Presidential candidate, Donald Trump.. The would-be assassin is said to be a British expat who reportedly “acted like an immigrant”.

The attack was thwarted at a Las Vegas rally where “The Donald” was complaining that security protocols were too stringent, preventing some of his supporters from entering the venue as dozens of angry, brown-skinned Americans were barred from entering due to “security concerns”. They later turned out to be victims of sunburn in the Nevada heat. However, UK citizen Michael Sanford’s pale complexion allowed him to easily bypass the event’s security.

According to reports, Mr. Sanford, who entered the country legally and overstayed his visit, prepared for the event by spending the previous day in “typical American fashion” by practicing pistol shooting at a gun range. Mr. Sanford attempted to blend in with the crowd by shouting “Thanks, Obama!” after every shot.

Asked why he’d chosen to steal a police officer’s gun, the shooter responded with evident confusion, “I thought everyone knew that the only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun. He had a gun; I took his gun. No more bad guy with gun.”

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