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Santa Demands Photos and Social Media Accounts From Children Wishing to Receive Presents

Sources from the North Pole have indicated that international Christmas icon, Nikolaos of Myra (better known as “Santa Claus”) will be enforcing recent changes to his gift-giving policy, which will now require parents to have Facebook and Google accounts for their children to be eligible for presents.

Santa’s PR department has issued a statement on the policy changes insisting that it was necessary to prevent toys being scalped in local retail outlets:

“Throughout the lifespan of Christmas we have noticed a large portion of our toys repeatedly being sold/ scalped in local outlets. The result of this is parents who wish to buy toys for their children will end up paying double and sometimes triple the amount of the original price of the toys.”

The Workshop has also stated that the new “facial recognition” system will enable Santa to identify and separate the nice children from the naughty ones:

“There have been instances in the past where naughty children received toys while masquerading as nice children. As a charitable organisation, we believe that these toys should go to the children who deserve them most.”

Santa Claus could not be reached for comment.

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